I had no concept of playdates.  This is quite foreign to me.  It is not something that I was able to glean from books, movies or TV shows as part of an American childhood. 

It was the same as my discovering that the best translation of sundo is “ride”.  Back in my elementary days, there was a time when we had “English campaigns” in school- kids are told to use English in everyday conversations which made for some not-so-pretty translations like, the expressions “I’ll box you there!” or I’ll slap you there!” and we came up with the word “fetcher” for sundo— the person who picks (fetches) us from school.

And then there is “up” for karga, when your little one wants to be carried up in your arms.

So, playdate? What is that?  I grew up with three sisters and two brothers.  And then, I have an assortment of younger cousins living next door.  I was never short of playmates.  There were lot of other young kids living close by that were not related to me— we play with them when we see them, usually on holidays.   Nobody had to make a “date” with anybody.

From the time Mary was three, Jack had talked about playdates for her.  I resisted the idea at first.  Since we both had full-time jobs, Mary was going to daycare 9-10 hours a day, five times a week.  I felt she sees her friends enough and the weekend is the time when Mary spends it with her family.

Finally, Easter this year, I wanted to do an egg hunt at our house for Mary.  It would be more fun with some friends but I did not want a big party.  So we invited a couple of her friends.  For two hours, I was supervising three little girls— we made cupcakes, did some crafts and had the egg hunt.  I was doing it all wrong…

After this date, Mary was invited to other kid’s houses and we hosted a few more…  I have since learned a few things…

  1. Playdates are important, especially to an only child.  Mary got to learn how to play hostess— be gracious to her guest, make sure her guest enjoy their stay, share her toys.  Mary got to learn how to be a good guest— be polite, behave like a little lady, observe her good manners- say thank you, please, may I…, etc.  She has learned acceptable and unacceptable behavior that may get her invited again or not. 
  2. A playdate with just one other child works best.  With a group of three, at some point, one of the three will be excluded and a grown-up has to intervene.  Also, at the daycare, there are lots of kids and interaction with them is different from interaction with just one other child for an extended period of time. 
  3. A good playdate does not require too much planning.  From Mary’s point of view, having one other child to play with (instead of a reluctant adult, aka me) is enough, no need for special activities.  We make sure her room is clean, toys are accessible.  I give them the choice of going to the playground with me or staying in the house.  Nothing elaborate, its not needed.
  4. Most of all, a good playdate (the two children are engrossed in their activities, needing minimal adult supervision) frees up time for Mommy!!!  It is so much better than having your only child sit in front of the TV to keep her occupied.  A friend is the very best babysitter.  Of course, I make sure that their environment is safe and that they are within sight and hearing distance.

So, playdates are good— I am now a firm believer of them.